on the topic of being socially awkward and isolated

[uzipaz]

Inspired by a fellow member MegamanEXE on his thread about him and his brother... I would like to vent here about this as well...

I am 21 and I have been painfully shy all my childhood and teenage years, rarely went out or spoke with people... I was a computer and a gamer nut back then like the most of you are... I only had one friend in high school that I was able to share my life with... and by life I mean common interests and personal problems... I was physically and emotionally bullied by that same guy in my teenage years... I had no social support from my other class fellows and I was a wuss for not being able to stand up for myself... he is not in my life anymore as I moved to a different city to study in a university... my elder brothers ( I am the youngest) are very accomplished people in their careers, life and relationships whereas I am not... my grades have suffered tremendously these previous semesters...

Its my final year and I am still the same painfully shy and introverted guy as I was... I go to university to take classes and then come back to my room and stay there till the next day and play games, surf the internet... when I am in campus, I rarely get to talk with somebody because most people here hang out in form of groups... most of the days I utter about less than 100 words in total from my mouth... I rarely go out at evenings and even if I do I am always by myself... I don't have anybody here to talk to, confide to... it is a very excruciating emotional pain...

When I was in highschool I dreamt of a good job with decent money, a home to myself... I would come home from my job and play my favourite video games and eat my favourite food all day long... Well, needless to say, my priorities have changed and I have lost my interest in video games... I now long for emotional and physical intimacy... I get very afraid to open up personally and emotionally to someone, even my immediate family members... I am afraid of getting hurt and being judged...

I am just writing whatever comes to my mind in this post... I don't even know what I really need... I think that I am suffering from chronic depression or a similar mental illness... and social anxiety, low self-esteem are just some of the few symptoms of it...

Thanks for reading anyways...

 

[ammarzubair]

i have only one advice for you

ignorance is a bliss

try to talk to people. don't care if they diss you out or judge you. after a few attempts you will surely find your type of people

 

[shahzadfootball]

:fp2: :fp2: :fp2: I think our parents should not just help us get good grades but I think they should also make their kids socialise My parents did that to me and believe or not,I have friends from over 20 countries ! I am like friends with everyone at school and have a casual conversation everyday to almost everyone ! (girls too ,I have never been to a boys only school/college ) I really think that it's all upto the environment,cause where I spent my time in socialising,people are nice and caring,they are understanding and don't offend someone intentionally ,they are all down to earth and I'm lucky to be in such an environment so I'd just suggest you to find one this environment yourself or maybe even create one ! Who knows you'll become the most popular and famous person in school my the end of finals/semester

 

[venom]

Bro, Get a JOB... It will help alot in building up your confidence.. Worked for me......

 

[AsadAbrar]

Inspired by a fellow member MegamanEXE on his thread about him and his brother... I would like to vent here about this as well...

I am 21 and I have been painfully shy all my childhood and teenage years, rarely went out or spoke with people... I was a computer and a gamer nut back then like the most of you are... I only had one friend in high school that I was able to share my life with... and by life I mean common interests and personal problems... I was physically and emotionally bullied by that same guy in my teenage years... I had no social support from my other class fellows and I was a wuss for not being able to stand up for myself... he is not in my life anymore as I moved to a different city to study in a university... my elder brothers ( I am the youngest) are very accomplished people in their careers, life and relationships whereas I am not... my grades have suffered tremendously these previous semesters...

Its my final year and I am still the same painfully shy and introverted guy as I was... I go to university to take classes and then come back to my room and stay there till the next day and play games, surf the internet... when I am in campus, I rarely get to talk with somebody because most people here hang out in form of groups... most of the days I utter about less than 100 words in total from my mouth... I rarely go out at evenings and even if I do I am always by myself... I don't have anybody here to talk to, confide to... it is a very excruciating emotional pain...

When I was in highschool I dreamt of a good job with decent money, a home to myself... I would come home from my job and play my favourite video games and eat my favourite food all day long... Well, needless to say, my priorities have changed and I have lost my interest in video games... I now long for emotional and physical intimacy... I get very afraid to open up personally and emotionally to someone, even my immediate family members... I am afraid of getting hurt and being judged...

I am just writing whatever comes to my mind in this post... I don't even know what I really need... I think that I am suffering from chronic depression or a similar mental illness... and social anxiety, low self-esteem are just some of the few symptoms of it...

Thanks for reading anyways...

I will start with the same thing as I replied in Megaman's thread. I'm no expert in this because I'm shy myself but I feel I have improved.

How? Look down below.

First, try trusting someone. You can never think of living on your own. You need people and people need you. Find a good friend and try sharing your thoughts and feelings with him/her. Don't go personal because that's never a safe route, even of you are very very best friends; never share your most personal thing. Or of you want to, try to keep the main thing covered. You don't know when that person can use it against you.

Secondly, everyone hates getting judged but it's better than being socially awkward. Plus, Open up to people so they can rightly judge you. You said that you are called a wuss because you don't interact much, isn't that judging too? And a pretty wrong one too. Try to open up to people. First, try to participate in class and slowly people will listen to you and talk with you.

Thats my 2 cents.

My PM is always open for any help.


Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk

 

[Blastwave]

Whats stopping you?

 

[kensid]

if you dont talk to ppl they automatically think that you are weird and they stay away. but if u get an opportunity to talk with someone then dont let that pass and make the most of it.when you speak dont mince words out of your mouth try and make your voice clearer and audible and do try to portray a pleasent picture of yourself to others coz if u are gloomy and silent all of the time then ppl would actively avoid u..smile more and say hi's and hellos to ur classmates when they pass near you and try and ask for someones help regarding studies...u know just to start the conversation. the only way for change to happen is when u make it happen.

 

[theundead]

learn small talk; normal humans love it. u will have a ton of friends in no time

 

[Hassan]

The guy is locked up into babyhood, i guess.

 

[hitman92]

Well i would say be active and if your not a small talker ppl ignore you :-[

Sent From Russia With Love ~__~

 

[Fkhan]

its ok buddy , dont think of urself as a social outcast just bcoz u r different, if u think u r tooo depressed u may contact any psychiatrist ; believe me it is not a bad thing to c psychiatrist, it is common practice in europe and america to c psychiatrist even for stupid issues, so....
if it helps me n almost everyone on PG will accept ur accept ur friendship gladly (as far as i know PG) , so cheer up buddy n enjoy ur life

 

[LordIT]

Make an effort to change the way things are if you know they make you unhappy. I used to be afraid of the dark when I was little. But then I sat down, told myself that there is nothing in the dark that can harm me, went up to the roof all alone and stood there for 15 minutes untill I wasnt afraid anymore. This was my effort against the darkness. Merely hoping that things would change is not the way you should approach this issue

I suffered this type of social isolation in my school life and the only difference between now and then is that then I only wanted to be more social, but now I make an effort to be social.

First day of my semester - I simply chatted with the person whom I was sitting next to. It was boring as fuck, but I did it. Next day, I made an effort to sit next to him again. After a week of boring and formal conversations.. shugal times began.

What does this mean for you? It definitely doesnt mean you should drown deeper into a sea of depression because this is your last semester. Make an effort but dont feel sad if you dont see immediate results. I'm suffering a random bout of social anxiety myself these days(bachi prablemz).

 

[Syavash]

I'm afraid this is time for some self study on your part. You can only tell people what the problem is, you can't tell us WHY you have that problem until you think on that yourself. Start with, why are you a social outcast? Afraid people will judge you, you think you are not interesting enough or you think you are the sort of person that doesnt get along well with others etc? Once you know what the root of the cause is, only then you can change yourself. And change is HARd, it won't come by wishing things change and magically people talk to you, you need to take the leap of faith.

 

[Shary Bhallu TC]

Small-talk is key here

Make small-talk to new people. Soon you will become friends and will be able to make serious talks.
Some topics of small-talk discussion are:

Weather.
Sports.
Tahir-Ul-Qadri.
Pakistan vs India series.
Latest phones.
Upcoming Video games like DOTA2 etc.
Recent affairs.

Just start a talk like "

 

[Benighted]

You are floating in your own bubble, wistful of all the life around you, pining for an emotional connection yet you don't pop the bubble. You need to do a little soul-searching. Why aren't you popping the bubble? Are you not sure yourself what you want, whether you want to get out or stay inside? Or is it insecurity? Are you afraid of yourself?

Or maybe the video games never gave you the chance to experience social interactions and now that you do want to experience it, you are afraid of the novelty of it all?

Your unhappiness is self-imposed. The first step (and the most important) is that you must make things clear for yourself.

Make a decision.

 

[sladis]

there are higher goals in life than achieving social nirvana... it certainly means you lose out on some things but you're one of the few who hear more than they say...

yes you're shy and yes you're quiet and it's an effort for you to talk to someone... all you need to hope is that when it's someone worth talking to, you'll make a little more effort...

to improve things, take a public speaking class or join a team sport... i don't talk much either but I'm super loud and annoying to everyone else on the football field... and i absolutely hated my public speaking class and am still nervous when addressing a group but you get through it...

mostly, it takes something you care about to make you speak up... in class, the need to not suck helps a lot... in sports, if you're any good at all then you'll be a part of the guys... having a girlfriend helps with confidence too but it's kind of a catch-22 situation, you gotta have some to get one...

it's not over dude, and don't forget, they need all kinds to make this world go round...

 

[Shary Bhallu TC]

Yup public speaking builds up a ton of confidence. I was so shit in public speaking, but decently in Uni, we are doing a lot of public speaking in class. So I am improving in this direction. It just builds up confidence to reach out to new people and talk to them. I used to be such a quiet boy but now I am a loud man

 

[annas92]

And now he is shy to talk over here.... too....

 

[Radical]

Dianetics.

 

[HOTSHOT]

Just get out from the house. Find those people who played sports a lot like basket, football etc. There you can make alot of friends. Try to discuss any topic which they are discussing like sports, gaming, english movies and tv shows bachiya of colleges and schools to have fun with etc but dont go into political discussion. Thats the best way to build up a confidence and make friends around you.
Good luck.