The Official PG Jokes...

[Devillicious]

@Jigger ... (lmao)(lmao)(lmao) good one :lol:

 

[C A T]

 

[EmSpecial]

haaaaahaaaahaa,,,,....

 

[EmSpecial]

co0l........ D

 

[safiranger]

lollol second one

 

[Jigger]

The Halloween Nightmare..

Spoiler: show

A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party.

The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take

some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain, and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party.

In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a

little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She

let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After some more to drink he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie in the back

seat.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for

his outrageous behaviour.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. He said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not

there.”

Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”

He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played

poker all evening.”

Then she said with unashamed sarcasm, “you must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!”

And the husband returned “actually I gave my costume to your uncle, apparently he had a whale of a time"

 

[Devillicious]

^ oooooooooooooooh maaaaaaaaaan (lmao)(lmao)(lmao)
that was hilarious (lmao)(lmao)

 

[TotaLOverdosE]

The Halloween Nightmare..

Spoiler: show

A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party.

The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take

some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain, and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party.

In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a

little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She

let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After some more to drink he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie in the back

seat.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for

his outrageous behaviour.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. He said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not

there.”

Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”

He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played

poker all evening.”

Then she said with unashamed sarcasm, “you must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!”

And the husband returned “actually I gave my costume to your uncle, apparently he had a whale of a time"

lol epic fail
Got boned by her uncle, LMAO !!!

 

[TotaLOverdosE]

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem.

I have two female parrots,


But they only know how to say one thing.'

'What do they say?' the priest inquired.

They say,

'Hi, we're hookers!

Do you want to have some fun?'

That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,

Then he thought for a moment.
'You know,' he said,

'I may have a solution to your problem.

I have two male talking parrots,

which I have taught to pray and read the Bible..

Bring your two parrots over to my house,

and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.

My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship,

and your parrots are sure to stop saying . .

that phrase . . In no time.'

Thank you,' the woman responded,

'this may very well be the solution.'


The next day,

she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.

As he ushered her in,

she saw that his two male parrots
were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.

Impressed,
she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes,

the female parrots cried out in unison:

Hi, we're hookers!

Do you want to have some fun?'

There was stunned silence.

Shocked,

one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot

and exclaimed,

'Put the beads away, Pete.

Our prayers have been answered!

 

[Gizmo]

Bwahahahahahahahaha!!! Pathan jokes are always so funny, stupid pathans (lmao)(lmao)

That's a bit racist though.......

 

[Devillicious]

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem.

I have two female parrots,


But they only know how to say one thing.'

'What do they say?' the priest inquired.

They say,

'Hi, we're hookers!

Do you want to have some fun?'

That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,

Then he thought for a moment.
'You know,' he said,

'I may have a solution to your problem.

I have two male talking parrots,

which I have taught to pray and read the Bible..

Bring your two parrots over to my house,

and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.

My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship,

and your parrots are sure to stop saying . .

that phrase . . In no time.'

Thank you,' the woman responded,

'this may very well be the solution.'


The next day,

she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.

As he ushered her in,

she saw that his two male parrots
were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.

Impressed,
she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes,

the female parrots cried out in unison:

Hi, we're hookers!

Do you want to have some fun?'

There was stunned silence.

Shocked,

one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot

and exclaimed,

'Put the beads away, Pete.

Our prayers have been answered!

(lmao)(lmao) Nice one (lmao)

 

[C A T]

^ hahahahahahaha nice 1 . i will try to read this in spare time

 

[Jigger]

Monthly Bleeding...

Spoiler: show

One day Little Susie got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Johnny. Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was. Johnny's face grew serious and he said, "You know, I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

 

[safiranger]

lol our prayer has been answerd

 

[TotaLOverdosE]

Monthly Bleeding...

Spoiler: show

One day Little Susie got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Johnny. Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was. Johnny's face grew serious and he said, "You know, I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

hahahahaha

 

[Devillicious]

Monthly Bleeding...

Spoiler: show

One day Little Susie got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Johnny. Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was. Johnny's face grew serious and he said, "You know, I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

(lmao)(lmao)(lmao) hahahaahah oh man this one is too good (lmao)(lamo)

 

[C A T]

(bm) Little Susie and Little Jhonny are both very naughty

 

[Jigger]

Rules of dating a Hardcore Soldier's daughter...

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless bad ass of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

 

[lNeOl]

^ too long, will read in spare time

Our prayers have been answered!

:lol: nice one

And Little Susie and Little Jhonny :lol: :lol: ripped....

 

[C A T]

I just read the frst rule only and i dont get it .


Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

can som1 explain plz .