Need some serious advice for my cousin.

[blazeddraco]

I have a cousin who completed his 12th grade in I.com last year with very poor marks of 44 % and he has been doing nothing for a year except playing video games and wasting his life. I am kind of like his big brother since he doesn't have any.

Anyway I feel sad for him because of what he is doing with his life I have talked to him few times about what he wants to do in his future and his replies are "I don't know", "I don't interest in any degree" his parents are extremely worried for him but they don't force him into anything.

Good thing is my uncle and ant is pretty wealthy so he doesn't have to worry about money. So back to my question what are his options in life ? I doubt he can get into any good university with those grades. What can I do to help him ?

 

[GloriousChicken]

I have a cousin who completed his 12th grade in I.com last year with very poor marks of 44 % and he has been doing nothing for a year except playing video games and wasting his life. I am kind of like his big brother since he doesn't have any.

Anyway I feel sad for him because of what he is doing with his life I have talked to him few times about what he wants to do in his future and his replies are "I don't know", "I don't interest in any degree" his parents are extremely worried for him but they don't force him into anything.

Good thing is my uncle and ant is pretty wealthy so he doesn't have to worry about money. So back to my question what are his options in life ? I doubt he can get into any good university with those grades. What can I do to help him ?

I dont think hes wasting his life in particular.

But, 44% is quite low.
What you should do is tell him to get better marks so in case of any issue arriving in the future, he will be able to tank it by getting a normal job with a proper degree.

Again, just playing video games for a year isnt wasting life.

And i'm pretty sure hes burned out from the studies, a break wont hurt.

 

[blazeddraco]

I dont think hes wasting his life in particular.

But, 44% is quite low.
What you should do is tell him to get better marks so in case of any issue arriving in the future, he will be able to tank it by getting a normal job with a proper degree.

Again, just playing video games for a year isnt wasting life.

And i'm pretty sure hes burned out from the studies, a break wont hurt.

Actually I did told him to repeat the grade and get better marks but he gets angry and refuse to pursue the topic any further.

Actually I am fine with him talking a break from studies but what he has been doing is completely opposite he doesn't do any sport or physical activity and just sits in his home 24/7 playing video games, eating and sleeping he actually gained weight and looks unhealthy. His lifestyle is very unhealthy in my perspective and we are pretty close I don't want him to continue to follow this path.

 

[Fluorescent]

I think you're right in being concerned. I agree theres something very clearly wrong; quitting studies, having no aspirations about the future, and just playing video games is clearly not normal, and I wouldn't take it lightly either.


His instant anger and refusal to discuss his score is very revealing. Theres some problem in the background that you're unaware of; a long term problem, given how easily such a discussion triggers him. It could be he's convinced he lacks the capacity, or a difficult school environment, or parents who've pressured him too much and his indifference towards studies is retialatory. In any case, don't make any assumptions, but if you want to help him, you'll have to find out.


Behavioral change tends to go through a specific sequence. You generally start off at a stage where you're unaware of the problem -> then you gain awareness, but just dont care -> next you're willing to make a change, and start figuring out how -> and finally, implementation of said changes. For a person who doesn't even want to change, providing solutions on how (eg you should improve your grades) has virtually a 0% chance of working. Its tantamount to advising nicotine patches to a smoker who doesn't even want to quit.


To help him you'll have to first get close enough for both of you to understand the real issue at hand. You'll then have to somehow convince him his lifestyle is less than desirable, without offering specific solutions like repeating school etc. Once he's willing to change, THEN such suggestions can be made.


This will probably be very difficult and requiring of extreme patience from you. At his age, the capacity to guage pros and cons and evaluate long term consequences of current actions tends to be weak (theres actually a physiological basis for this).


Assuming you're close to him and his predicament is of concern to you, I would advise you not to take this ligthly. This is not normal behavior (not that I'm saying he's certainly a psychiatric patient), and you'd best act now, rather than wait 10 years for an affirmation of his life being wasted.

 

[GloriousChicken]

Actually I did told him to repeat the grade and get better marks but he gets angry and refuse to pursue the topic any further.

Actually I am fine with him talking a break from studies but what he has been doing is completely opposite he doesn't do any sport or physical activity and just sits in his home 24/7 playing video games, eating and sleeping he actually gained weight and looks unhealthy. His lifestyle is very unhealthy in my perspective and we are pretty close I don't want him to continue to follow this path.

I see.
As for the outburst for whenever you wish to discuss said topic,
I believe it can get annoying really fast, especially when someone from outside ones family tries to do it.


What I think is, to get to the core of the issue, it could be an emotional stress which he had suffered from. And I believe is also the reason for such grades.


My advice?
Dont paster him too much, slowly get close to him by making his hobby yours.
getting into the same circle as him so you're close enough to discuss about personal stuff such as this.



Doing without being close enough will only get him to distance himself from you.


One more thing, to what seems healthy to you may not seem interesting enough for him.
Each mindset is different and I believe hes at a age where he consider games to be the best escape from reality to gain comfort.
Or to enjoy this part of life when video games seem really enjoyable because after you go past this stage, they wont be the same anymore.


I'm talking from experience.
I had someone who tried pretending to be caring and how this lifestyle was fucked and all, but thats him and me.

Yours might be a different case.

 

[KDKHAN]

It is not necessary at all to win big degrees with high percentage for a successful life. He can still become Malik. Riaz. Help him plan a good business. He can thereafter hire big degree-holders to assist him.