Ahhh, the beautiful and glorious world of video gaming, how magical it is. Oh you beautiful and alluring world of pixilated fantasies how I love thee. Ever since my tiny little four year old hands held that beautiful Atari controller and laid eyes on those beautiful, and era defining pixels moving on screen I knew I had found my first love. My Father introduced me to the great world of gaming, and from those initial days of Pong and Super Mario there was no turning back for me. In my little head I thought that I had stumbled upon the greatest treasure in the world, one which opened up an entire new world for me. From Mario to Sonic, Castlevania to Streets of Rage, NHL to an augmented super human in Deus Ex, the sky was the limit. One minute I was cleaning up the punks of the streets in Streets of Rage and the next I was beating the crap out of other “Kombatants” fighting for the Earth Realm in Mortal Kombat. In short, I was completely and madly in love with the world of gaming, and seeing as how my dad also shared this love of mine I owned almost all the consoles while growing up. This love kept on growing and the world was a happy and shining place with rainbows and butterflies, honey and unicorns.
Alas, all good things come to an end and as countless videogames have taught us, nothing ever remains all shiny and happy, as doom and gloom and the big bad monsters are always around the corner. Enter the school playground and the EVIL kids with their EVIL (read which I didn’t have) consoles. I remember my dad getting me a Gameboy and my young mind unable to comprehend that such a thing was actually in existence. I mean the possibilities were endless; I could hide under the covers and play while my poor mum thought that I was sleeping. Or I could play while sitting in the car on the way to school. I mean can you imagine that, now I could play games wherever I could physically go. The possibilities were endless and the world was at my feet. Surely being a kid, I couldn’t wait to show off my shiny new toy to the rest of my mates, but alas, I was to be sadly disappointed. Here I was trying to show off my Gameboy, all smug and arrogant when out comes this kid with his Game gear. Oh yes, I was extremely pissed. I wanted, nay demanded retribution for his transgressions. How DARE he own and boast about a console which I didn’t have? What right does he have to believe that his console is better than mine? I mean, does the simple fact that I own a Gameboy not make it my constitutional right to bash on the other “unspeakable thing”? I mean only and only the consoles which I own are good and the rest of them can go burn in gaming hell. Isn’t that my birthright? For haven’t I been playing games since I was four and as such I know which console is the best (MINE). And yet, here was this snotty little kid stealing away my thunder. I mean what was wrong with those imbeciles in my class? Could they not see what I saw? Did they not know what I knew? Yes, yes they wouldn’t know for only I knew what was best since they didn’t know diddly squat about gaming. So, armed with that knowledge I soldiered on, rallying troops to my cause by offering play sessions and the likes. Suffice to say that the power struggle continued. It was me against that snotty kid. Sure, the consoles changed but the struggle continued. He got a Saturn, I got a Playstation (Suck on that, I won that round) and so on and so forth. However, one day something amazing and miraculous happened. It was like an epiphany. I woke up and I realized that I truly love gaming. Now hang on a minute, I know I’ve already said that a million times before in this rant but just bear with me for a minute. I suddenly found out that I liked games which came out on other platforms, platforms which I don’t own. The world became topsy turvy for me and I grappled with that truth for a long time but I finally made peace with it. And, that my friends ( I’d like to think more than one person is reading this and that I actually have friends) is the day my life took a turn for the better.
See, I now consider myself somewhat of a gaming messiah. I like to believe that I’ve stumbled on to a truth no one has yet to figure out, that long after my bones are gathering dust in my grave I will be remembered as the revolutionary who changed the way people perceive games. So hang on to your tighty whities folks because this is going to shock you. Games are amazing regardless of the platforms they are released on. That’s right go back and read that statement again. I know it is difficult to contemplate but that is the truth. See, I truly believe that we are blessed to experience this golden age of gaming. We’ve been thoroughly spoiled by the plethora of amazing games at our disposal these days. Every platform caters to all kinds of tastes and preferences. From World of Warcraft, Starcraft, Dawn of War on the PC to Unchartered, Gears of war on the consoles. Today, we find games which make our wildest imaginations come true with their breathtaking visuals, amazing storylines and insane sound effects. One can be a gladiator winning the war for humanity, score the game winning goal in the finals of the Stanley cup or become the next Schumacher. All of that is achievable today at the comfort of our couches. The quality and visuals of the game these days completely engross a gamer and make them believe as if they actually are the protagonist, the hero and the savior. Hell, I feel like I can rule the world while I play Shogun Total War 2, or feel like I can go and bring down an entire army to its knees while playing Splinter Cell. Where else could you find something so fulfilling or immersive? Where else can one be a part of something bigger than one’s own self? I for one am thankful for all the different platforms out there because they have provided me with the opportunity to experience such diverse universes and experiences.
And this is where my biggest gripe with gamers comes into the fray. It saddens me to hear people badmouth other platforms, be it console boys taking cheap shots at other consoles or PC gamers acting all high and mighty about the extra 4 fps on their rigs or the presence of AA which makes an obscure piece of foliage look more lifelike. Fellas, don’t act like kids. For the love of God, the entire world loves to call us gamers kids and immature as it is. Why in the world do we need to act this way and show them that we actually are this immature? Can’t we all just bloody well grow up? Is it that difficult to respect other games and gamers? Is it really that difficult to provide a united front and turn our guns towards those who actually deserve our wrath? Those imbeciles who call us gamers naïve, stupid and immature should be the ones facing the firing squad. But as I write this I realize that there will be people out there who can’t stop their immature selves from calling other gamers “kiddies” and call their platforms “sucky”. So, being the messiah I am I also have a solution for this. The next time someone says something like this, let’s go to their place, give them a shotgun, throw them in the wild and see how “manly” and “hardcore” they really are. Let’s force them to eat their food of choice day in day out and let’s force them to watch the same episode of the same show over and over again. And once all of that is done, let’s throw them into the lion pits to see how “hardcore” they really are. All in favor say AYE!
Alas, all good things come to an end and as countless videogames have taught us, nothing ever remains all shiny and happy, as doom and gloom and the big bad monsters are always around the corner. Enter the school playground and the EVIL kids with their EVIL (read which I didn’t have) consoles. I remember my dad getting me a Gameboy and my young mind unable to comprehend that such a thing was actually in existence. I mean the possibilities were endless; I could hide under the covers and play while my poor mum thought that I was sleeping. Or I could play while sitting in the car on the way to school. I mean can you imagine that, now I could play games wherever I could physically go. The possibilities were endless and the world was at my feet. Surely being a kid, I couldn’t wait to show off my shiny new toy to the rest of my mates, but alas, I was to be sadly disappointed. Here I was trying to show off my Gameboy, all smug and arrogant when out comes this kid with his Game gear. Oh yes, I was extremely pissed. I wanted, nay demanded retribution for his transgressions. How DARE he own and boast about a console which I didn’t have? What right does he have to believe that his console is better than mine? I mean, does the simple fact that I own a Gameboy not make it my constitutional right to bash on the other “unspeakable thing”? I mean only and only the consoles which I own are good and the rest of them can go burn in gaming hell. Isn’t that my birthright? For haven’t I been playing games since I was four and as such I know which console is the best (MINE). And yet, here was this snotty little kid stealing away my thunder. I mean what was wrong with those imbeciles in my class? Could they not see what I saw? Did they not know what I knew? Yes, yes they wouldn’t know for only I knew what was best since they didn’t know diddly squat about gaming. So, armed with that knowledge I soldiered on, rallying troops to my cause by offering play sessions and the likes. Suffice to say that the power struggle continued. It was me against that snotty kid. Sure, the consoles changed but the struggle continued. He got a Saturn, I got a Playstation (Suck on that, I won that round) and so on and so forth. However, one day something amazing and miraculous happened. It was like an epiphany. I woke up and I realized that I truly love gaming. Now hang on a minute, I know I’ve already said that a million times before in this rant but just bear with me for a minute. I suddenly found out that I liked games which came out on other platforms, platforms which I don’t own. The world became topsy turvy for me and I grappled with that truth for a long time but I finally made peace with it. And, that my friends ( I’d like to think more than one person is reading this and that I actually have friends) is the day my life took a turn for the better.
See, I now consider myself somewhat of a gaming messiah. I like to believe that I’ve stumbled on to a truth no one has yet to figure out, that long after my bones are gathering dust in my grave I will be remembered as the revolutionary who changed the way people perceive games. So hang on to your tighty whities folks because this is going to shock you. Games are amazing regardless of the platforms they are released on. That’s right go back and read that statement again. I know it is difficult to contemplate but that is the truth. See, I truly believe that we are blessed to experience this golden age of gaming. We’ve been thoroughly spoiled by the plethora of amazing games at our disposal these days. Every platform caters to all kinds of tastes and preferences. From World of Warcraft, Starcraft, Dawn of War on the PC to Unchartered, Gears of war on the consoles. Today, we find games which make our wildest imaginations come true with their breathtaking visuals, amazing storylines and insane sound effects. One can be a gladiator winning the war for humanity, score the game winning goal in the finals of the Stanley cup or become the next Schumacher. All of that is achievable today at the comfort of our couches. The quality and visuals of the game these days completely engross a gamer and make them believe as if they actually are the protagonist, the hero and the savior. Hell, I feel like I can rule the world while I play Shogun Total War 2, or feel like I can go and bring down an entire army to its knees while playing Splinter Cell. Where else could you find something so fulfilling or immersive? Where else can one be a part of something bigger than one’s own self? I for one am thankful for all the different platforms out there because they have provided me with the opportunity to experience such diverse universes and experiences.
And this is where my biggest gripe with gamers comes into the fray. It saddens me to hear people badmouth other platforms, be it console boys taking cheap shots at other consoles or PC gamers acting all high and mighty about the extra 4 fps on their rigs or the presence of AA which makes an obscure piece of foliage look more lifelike. Fellas, don’t act like kids. For the love of God, the entire world loves to call us gamers kids and immature as it is. Why in the world do we need to act this way and show them that we actually are this immature? Can’t we all just bloody well grow up? Is it that difficult to respect other games and gamers? Is it really that difficult to provide a united front and turn our guns towards those who actually deserve our wrath? Those imbeciles who call us gamers naïve, stupid and immature should be the ones facing the firing squad. But as I write this I realize that there will be people out there who can’t stop their immature selves from calling other gamers “kiddies” and call their platforms “sucky”. So, being the messiah I am I also have a solution for this. The next time someone says something like this, let’s go to their place, give them a shotgun, throw them in the wild and see how “manly” and “hardcore” they really are. Let’s force them to eat their food of choice day in day out and let’s force them to watch the same episode of the same show over and over again. And once all of that is done, let’s throw them into the lion pits to see how “hardcore” they really are. All in favor say AYE!
