The Official PG Jokes...

shahanansari

Proficient
Nov 4, 2012
831
0
21
People are enjoying 3G and 4G,
.
But
.
I am waiting 4
.
.
.
.
Suniyee G...:-D:p

If u know what i mean...;-):p:-D:-D

Sent from my LG-E970 using Tapatalk
 

NaNoW

Administrator
ADMIN
Feb 5, 2008
11,115
258
89
Karachi, Pakistan
@armada @Dslayer

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''


A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''
 

limpix007

Well-known member
Jul 23, 2013
1,053
0
41
karachi
abey itney long jokes nahe likho .... don't write an essay ... write short jokes like :-


bakrey ne jo mari bakri ko takar ,
bakrey ne jo marki bakri ko takar ,
Spoiler: show
to bakri bi marey gi bakrey ko takar
:groupwave::salute:
 

armada

Proficient
Oct 14, 2011
779
0
22
Dinga city Gujrat
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:


'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'


Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite.


What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'


Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'


'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

Johnny said:
'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner
The teacher fainted.
 

armada

Proficient
Oct 14, 2011
779
0
22
Dinga city Gujrat
Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old,
But they know they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married,
So Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says,
"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love
And I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing,
Mr. Smith replies,
"Well Bruce, you are only 10..
Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it,
Bruce replies,
"In Jenny's room.
It's bigger than mine
And we can both fit there nicely."
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,
"Okay, then how will you live?
You're not old enough to get a job.
You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance,
Jenny makes five bucks a week
And I make 10 bucks a week.
That's about 60 bucks a month,
So that should do us just fine."

Mr. Smith is impressed
Bruce has put so much thought into this.

"Well Bruce,
It seems like you have everything figured out.
I just have one more question.
What will you do if the two of you should have
Little children Of your own?"

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says,
"Well, we've been lucky so far."

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little s*** is adorable.



sent from an Unknown device using Tapatalk 2
 

ahmed123004

Proficient
Mar 27, 2013
552
0
21
islamabad
Girl, Haji saab say:
.
wo kiya hay jo
' cow ' k pas 4 or meray pas 2 hain?
.
Haji: legs
.
Girl: wo kia hay jo tumhari pent me hay or meri shalwar me nahi?
.
Haji: jaib
.
Girl: wo kia hay jo loog din me karnay k bajaey rat ko bistar par kartay hain?
.
Haji: aram.
.
Girl: wo kia hai jo Larki pehli dafa karwatay hoay pain ki wajah say roti hay?
.
Haji;kan main sorakh
.
.
Ramzan sharif aa rha hay......bandy dy puter ban jao.or apna zehn haji sab ki trha kr lo.

Sent from my S5 Using TapaTalk.
 

Ottoman

Senior
Sep 15, 2008
8,575
3
44
Wow Chhowni
I forgot to put the seat belt on my five-year-old boy this morning.

As we were leaving the car park, somebody shouted, "You are an irresponsible father!"

I said, "Who the hell was that!? Stop the car, son."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock knock

Who's there?

Dave

Dave who?

Dave proceeds to break into tears, as his Grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to a point where she can no longer remember him

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was having a dump at work when the guy in the next cubicle said, "Do me a favour.. There's no toilet paper in here. Could you pass me some?"

"Of course mate," I replied, sliding a few sheets under the partition.

There was a moments silence as I waited to be thanked.

"Some unused ones would have been nice."
 

Ottoman

Senior
Sep 15, 2008
8,575
3
44
Wow Chhowni
What do you call a black cop?

Officer.
---------------------------------------------------------------

What's the most confusing day in Harlem ?


Father's day.
---------------------------------------------------------------

Two cannibals are eating a clown.

'Does this taste funny to you?' says one to his friend.

'It does actually, I don't think we cooked him properly, some bits are still pink,' replies the other.

They both contracted serious E. Coli food poisoning and spent a week in Intensive Care at Hospital. Later on, after recovering, both became pseudo vegetarians.
 

assasin42o

Don Vito Corléone
Moderator
Aug 9, 2009
3,904
10
43
KHI ✈ ISL
Spoiler: show
A guy goes to his local Drug Store. He asks one of the attendants if he can have some Viagra.

The young woman asks, "Do you have a prescription ?"

The guy replies, "No, but I have a photo of my wife."


Spoiler: show
Today I was beaten up by this woman...

I was on the elevator this morning minding my own business
when this lovely girl entered.
As I was staring at her boobs, she said to me, "Would you please press 1..?"
So I did.
 

Kronos865

Active member
May 19, 2013
298
1
23
Rawalpindi
What do you call a gay goat?
Spoiler: show
A fagoat! hahahahahhaa............hahaha..........haha...................ha
no


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What has a bottom at the top?
Spoiler: show
Legs!
:umad:
 
Last edited:

armada

Proficient
Oct 14, 2011
779
0
22
Dinga city Gujrat
A Sweet Lady's Prayer

In church last Sunday, I heard a sweet elderly lady in the pew next to me saying a prayer. It was so innocent and sincere that I just had to share it with you:

" Dear Lord: The last four to five years have been very tough.

You have taken my favorite actor - Paul Newman;

my favorite actress - Elizabeth Taylor

my favorite singer - Whitney Houston,
and now my favorite comedian - Robin Williams.

I just wanted you to know that my favorite politicians are -

Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi and Harry reid.

Amen
[MENTION=4177]NaNoW[/MENTION]
 

Sweet

Talented
Feb 15, 2013
96
0
11
Into the stars
18+
Spoiler: show

A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare.

The man wakes him and asks if he is ok.

The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died.

The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed.

The next day, Auntie Susie dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight.

His son is having another nightmare.

The man again wakes his son and asks if he is ok.

This time the son says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died.

The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed.

The next day, granddaddy dies.

One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight.

His son is having another nightmare, and the man wakes him again.

The son says that he had dreamt that daddy had died.

The father assures the son that he is ok and sends the boy to bed.

The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified.

The next day, the man is scared for his life, he is sure he is going to die.

After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision.

He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning.

He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed.

He jumps at every noise and hides under his desk.

Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife.

"Good God, Dear," he says, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life!"

She responds,

"You think YOUR day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning."

_


New Cowboy Boots
~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly couple , Margaret and Bert , moved to Texas .

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots , so , seeing some on sale , he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly , he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife , "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret looked him over. "Nope."


Frustrated , Bert stormed off into the bathroom , undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret , a little louder this time , "Notice anything different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan , "Bert , what's different? It's hanging down today , it was hanging down yesterday , it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious , Bert yelled , "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN , MARGARET?"

"Nope. Not a clue" , she replied.

"IT'S HANGING DOWN , BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"

Without missing a beat Margaret replied , "Shoulda bought a hat , Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."

_


An Australian Prostitute’s Tax Return… A young woman walks into a Kalgoorlie accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her tax Returns.
The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.”
He gets her name, address etc. And then asks,”What’s your occupation?”
“I’m a prostitute,” she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, “Let’s try to re phrase that.
The woman says, “OK, I’m a high-end call girl”. “No, that still won’t work. Try again.”
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, “I’m an elite poultry farmer.”
The accountant asks, “What does poultry farming have to do, with being a prostitute?”
“Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year.”
“Poultry Farmer it is.” :p
 
Last edited:

Cerberus

Senior
Dec 27, 2010
9,675
8
43
26
Islamabad
One morning at a doctor's office a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him -"OK, what happened to your back?" The patient replies " I work for a local night club.This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself very fast. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That’s how I strained my back." . . . The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?" He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now. Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it a fridge fallen on me." . . . . The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two Patients do..!! The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?" "Well I was sitting in a fridge and some one threw it from the 3rd floor
 
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