Random Funny Pictures (56K Warning)

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RULES​

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Failure to follow the above conditions will result in possible warnings and a ban.

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10 things to say if u are caught sleeping at your desk

10. "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen."

9. "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time
Management course you sent me to.

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got here
Just in time."

7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and
Envisioning a new business strategy."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve
Work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"

4. "Well! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out how to
Handle that big accounting problem."

3. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you
Put your ear down real close?"

2. "Who put decaf in the wrong pot?!?"

And The Best Thing To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk Is...

1. Raise your head slowly and say, "..., Amen."

 

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Pakistani Scientist in NASA
This is the story of a Pakistani Scientist, who is a Mechanical
Engineer from NED and a PHD from Florida Institute of Technology.)

NASA was getting ready to launch a very important Space shuttle. The
scientists and engineers checked And double checked everything to make sure That things are fine.

However, on the day of its launch, something seemed to Be wrong.

The rocket gave all sorts of noise but never Took off even an inch from the ground.

The engineers were puzzled because they could not Figure out the
problem.

Finally, there was a Pakistani scientist (the one who Is mentioned
above) he offered the help. NASA people Were desperate by that time and agreed to do Anything.

"Tilt the rocket 45 degrees to the left" said the Pakistani scientist.


The engineers were puzzled but did it anyway. "Bring It back to vertical position" the Pakistani said.


The engineers did so . "Now start the engines" he Said. And surprise,
the rocket took off and flew into Outer space!


Everybody congratulated him and asked him how he knew what to do. He replied -

"It's very simple. This is what we always do with our CD 70 motor bike in Pakistan

 

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JOKES

A women goes to her boyfriends parents house for dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort,
thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole, the gas pains
are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she
decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the toot.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriends father
looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet,
and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!"
The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came across her face.
A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "dammit Ginger!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought, "yes!"
A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip.
This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with
a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father
looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,
"dammit Ginger, get away from her before she
shits all over you!





Three women, while traveling in a train, are discussing different types of pain. The first woman says, "There is no pain like when you suffer a fracture". The second woman says, "That's nothing. Post-surgical pain is the worst". The third woman says, "I disagree. Pain during childbirth is the severest". An old man who is resting up on the top bunk overhears this conversation and interrupts them. "I don't think you three have ever experienced a swift kick to the balls".

 

[dejavu87]

lmao prettty good jokes dms1...respect

 

[radd]

And The Best Thing To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk Is...

1. Raise your head slowly and say, "..., Amen."

you know what , i think i`m gonna give this one a try in class

 

[DSM1]

lmao prettty good jokes dms1...respect

names dsm not dms*******

 

[DSM1]

ty pplhoto:

 

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Letter To Boss 4 Salary Increase

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss to increase his salary!!!





Dear Bo$$



In thi $ life, we all need $ ome thing mo$ t de $ perately. I think you $ hould be under$ tanding of the need $ of u$ worker$ who have given $ o much $ upport including $ weat and $ ervice to your company.



I am $ ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$ pond $ oon.



Your$ $ incerely,



Norman $ oh




The next day, the employee recieved this letter



Dear NO rman,



I k NO w you have been working very hard. NO wadays, NO thing much has changed. You must have NO ticed that our company is NO t doing NO ticeably well as yet.



NO w the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNO mists are NO t sure if the United States may go into a NO ther recession. After the NO vember presidential elections things may turn bad.



I have NO thing more to add NO w. You kNO w what I mean.



Yours truly,

Manager

 

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6 CREATIVE ways to kill a husband (Funny Pics)

 

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Funny FIngers

 

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Face meet ball. Ball meet face

 

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How Japanese take pics....lol

 

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A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The
frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you
three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed
to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish
for, your husband will get times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the
world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your
husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will
flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful
Woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in
the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the
world. And he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his
is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd
like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop
here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.




























































The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife .
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really
smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show
that women never listen!!!

 

[DSM1]

Nurse: Sardarji Mubarak Ho Aap Papa Ban Gaye!!
Sardar: Meri Wife Ko Mat Bolna Main Usse Surprise Dunga!!

 

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Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient: Give me the bad news first.
Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers

 

[DSM1]

A blind man enters a women's bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls deathly quiet.

In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things...

One: The bartender is a blonde woman.

Two: The bouncer is a blonde woman.

Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional boxer.

Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Five: I'm a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black belt in karate, and a very bad attitude. Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and says, "Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

 

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One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"






Little Johnny walks up to his Aunt and says , "my God, Aunt Edna why are you so damn ugly?"

His mother overheard this and pulled Johnny into the kitchen. and screamed, "how could you say to your aunt is so damn ugly!

"Because she is," said Little Johnny.

His mother said, "You go back in there and apologize to her, right now! I mean it, you tell her you're sorry!"

Little Johnny goes into the living room, walked over to his aunt and said, "Aunt Edna, I am sorry you're so damn ugly."








4 husbands were sitting at the waiting room in a
hospital waiting for their wives to give birth.

Soon, a nurse came out from the delivery room and told
the first daddy:"Congratulations, you've twins!".

"Oh!..... maybe it's just a coincidence" said the
daddy,"as I'm working at the Petronas Twin Towers".

Then another nurse came out of the room and told the
second daddy:"Congratulations, you've triplets!"

"Wooow!, this is a coincidence,too" said the second
daddy."I am working for 3M Corporation".

A while later, another nurse appeared and told the
third daddy: "Congratulations! your wife got
quadruplets"

"Thanks God. Perhaps this is also a coincidence"."I
work at Four Seasons Hotel!".

Meanwhile, the fourth daddy-to-be was becoming very
worried.

All the 3 daddies asked him: "Why do you look so
worried?".He answered, "...uhmmm.... I'm working at
Seven-Eleven!"




"Help.... the Titanic is going to be drowned...."
Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or
praying to God...
Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the
ship.
Italian : How far is land, from here ?
Sardarji : Two miles .
Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools
making noise.
I have got the experience of swimming even more.
The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes
up to the layer to ask something again.
Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles
from here ?
Sardarji : Downwards... !!



Man runs home yelling "Pack your bags honey. I just
won the 10 Million lotto.

Wife : Do I pack for the beach or mountains ?

Man : Who cares ? Just pack and get lost !



A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab
today........

Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are
still..... digging for more.




Sardar found answer to most difficult question
question ever What comes first - the chicken or the
egg ?

O yaar, jiska order pahele dooge, wo ayega !!

 

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what would have happened if engineers were not there

What must have happened if engineers were not there

Aeronautical engineers

Civil engineers

Computer engineers

Communitcation Engineers

Electrical Engineers

Mechanical Engineers

__________________

 

[Chandoo]

Nurse: Sardarji Mubarak Ho Aap Papa Ban Gaye!!
Sardar: Meri Wife Ko Mat Bolna Main Usse Surprise Dunga!!

that one's awesome lol

 

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IAS Interview questions

IAS i.e. UPSC Exam 1998 Interview Question and there Answer given by candidates
..........oh sorry!! IAS Officers now

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it
take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)

Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four
apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.
(UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple?
A: The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper)

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A: Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A: It caused a revolution.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A: Liquid (UPSC 33Rank)